have i been wrong all these years?

Pretty sure I made a mugger piss himself. My night is complete.

FEAR MY SPIDER-Y VENGEANCE, CRIMINALS. I'VE GOT NO PROBLEM LEAVING YOU WEBBED TO A MOTHERFUCKING TELEPHONE POLE.

PS: The next two bit 'gangsta' douchemonger to tell me I have a flat ass is getting dangled off the Brooklyn Bridge. Spider-Man does not have a flat ass, the costume is just really fucking unflattering, okay?

Agency R&D is nothing if not exciting. The only thing that saved my eyebrows was SUPERIOR fucking reflexes.

We might need a new fire extinguisher.

This gritty new Spider-Man can kiss my ass. Stupid new suit. Darker colors =/= AUTOCOOL. Stop trying to be a Watchman and accept yourself for what you are, newmovie!Spidey! You're a punkass teenager with an affinity for sarcastic one-liners! Can we leave the dark and the emo to fucking Batman and his misty backdrop?

I should sue. For, like, defamation of character.

( Filtered to the Lady Avengers )

Fucking A. I hate Christmas shopping. It was wall-to-wall people everywhere, and all of them mundies so I couldn't use the ceiling to escape.

Damn crazy ass people. You know how dangerous it is to shop at this time of year, when there are some things with only one left? Just cause I want to get people something pretty doesn't mean I'm going to get in a fucking fistfight with you over it. Keep your stupid designer handbag, I'll go somewhere else you fucking psycho.

If you get something from me this year, you should know that today? Today I hated you.

So that was fun. Even if yesterday was the Day of the Hangover. Seriously, I couldn't even find the energy to put my damn pants on. Which was good, cause I didn't have any pants. Got to love those formal walk o' shames. I still feel like it might be a good idea to drown myself in a hot bath. Yeah, now that I'm all home and shit, that sounds like a fan-fucking-tastic idea.

Did we all survive? Everyone still breathing out there? Headcount!

( Filtered to Ashton )

So, that was what we in the trade like to call 'fucking crazy'. Or maybe that's just me. Anyway, welcome back to reality, boys and girls. Please be careful upon retrieving those memories, as your perception of everyone around you may have shifted during transit.

Oh, right. You probably have no idea who I am or what I'm talking about, since I haven't used these things in...fucking ages. I'm Leigh Walker, your resident lab assistant. Okay, so there might be more than one, but I'm the best. Probably. We'll go with that. The guy in my head is Peter Parker, the wall-crawler who stalks in the night. During the day, too. We're not picky.

Everyone weathering this anomaly okay? How about you, sister dear?

( Profile )